Have you picked up today’s issue of The Stale Mess?
If you didn’t, here’s what you’re missing:
Hard-hitting, investigative journalism:
ASU announced a plan to curb the ever-growing population of stray cats that lurk around the Tempe campus by introducing them into Pitchforks’ dining menu.
Mark Brockman fills you in on why it’s so much better to be a bro: “What else are you gonna be, a hipster? What are those, your sister’s pants, dude? Hipsters shouldn’t even be allowed on campus. Except for hipster chicks. Girls with tattoos are so hot.”
Vontaze Burfict and former ASU football coach Dennis Erickson race each other in a 40-yard dash. “I was in a 40 against Vontaze?” Erickson asked with wide eyes. “I was just trying to get to the Hometown Buffet — it’s puddin’ day.”